Every time I write, I put myself out there a little bit more. I work hard to promote this blog as people have personally told me it’s important to them. It’s hard to toot your own horn when you’ve been called “stupid” and “worthless” by the people who were supposed to build you up. It’s sad and hard, but that’s when you have to recognize your own worth and work daily to recognize it.
Anytime I ask someone to read my blog or post it to Facebook, I feel a little guilt for making people read it. Then I realize that those are the old messages and even if people don’t care for what I have to say, it’s ok. I don’t like every book I read.
I went out on a HUGE limb for me and shared it with my primary care doctor yesterday as I mentioned how grateful I was for her in it. Her response was nothing less than incredible.
It’s a huge reminder to thank people who go out of their way. Take the time to applaud instead of complain. Positive energy sent out will always come back to you eventually.
The picture I posted above is really my life. I can barely get up. I’m really weak. I keep falling over. In looking at this picture though, I see gratitude. Those two special pups. My feelings of safety. Knowing I’m going to get treatment soon as I took time to say thank you. I also love my colorful bed. For a place to be stuck, it’s not so bad. I am in huge physical pain, but I’m also in huge comfort. I know it’s paradoxical, but it’s happening.
The hardest thing for most trauma survivors to do is reach out at their lowest. I reached out. I felt my sadness, anger, and grief, but also honored what is good in my life. People in all areas reached back. I feel surrounded by a cushion of love even though I’m all alone physically. My people are with me in spirit. You know I hate cliches, but it’s true. I feel my friends near and far holding my metaphorical hand.
Did you know I’m reaching out to hold your hand too? We don’t have to be alone even in our solitude. I may not know you, but I’m reaching out to lift you from your own sadness and trauma. You can always reach back.
In love and gratitude