Where did My Gratitude Go?

I’ve been sick. It’s been a gradual decline for a couple weeks, but the past 4 days, I haven’t been able to move except to crawl to let the dogs out the back door.

I think I’m just sleeping all the time as the last time I looked at the clock, it was 6 am. Not it is 8:30 pm. I lost my ability to eat too. I managed to get on the scale today. 9 pounds down since Saturday.

Saturday, I started out weak, but I forced myself to get to yoga and pick up my son. Upon getting home, I just got very weak. My son decided to go back to his dads house as “it makes him want to cry to see me sick”. I was definitely sad to see him go as there were things we could have done lying together as we often do, but something about Saturday made him particularly sad.

I was supposed to participate in his field day today , but I can’t even get up for 4 days now. I feel constantly nauseous and dizzy. I tried to eat, but instant nausea and pounding headache. In the year and a half I’ve been really sick, I’ve never felt this bad.

I was sad that I had to cancel my doctors appointment tomorrow, although it’s becoming clear that with my diagnoses, nothing can be done anyway. I know a couple of my doctors have tried and are still trying to get me treatment, but it can’t come quick enough for me. I definitely appreciate the effort

Yet, I’m afraid to be transparent with them about these new and troubling symptoms. I think if I was a stronger or more courageous person or if I just tried harder, I’d be well. Anyone who really knows me would think that was ridiculous as I’m very courageous and try harder at my health than most people I know. I still feel it. I don’t want to tell my doctor either as I don’t want to be labeled a “whiner”.

So I suppose by not being honest, I’ll lie here and suffer. It’s only been 4 days of not moving,what’s 5 more.

The hardest part is I reached out to a couple people, but everyone is “too busy” to help a terrified friend. Sometimes I think it’s easier to ignore my pain than actually face it.

Anyone have a suggestion for me to be grateful for? I’m having a hard time finding it even though I know it’s there.

6 thoughts on “Where did My Gratitude Go?”

  1. I’m sorry you’ve been feeling so badly 😦 I hope you start to feel at least a bit better soon. That sucks too that none of the people you reached out to could help. I know that when I reach out to people and they don’t respond well, it makes me feel even worse because it took courage to reach out, and I was counting on some help, and now they’ve let me down.

    For me, not eating enough can make me feel very nauseous, dizzy, and weak. When that happens, I kinda have to force myself to eat, even if I feel nauseous when I’m eating, because my body just needs some nutrients… toast with nothing on it is my go-to food when I’m nauseous because it’s simpler. I don’t know if that would help you or if there’s something else going on, too, or if you’re even still having those problems, but that’s what I do.

    Hugs ❀ thinking of you


    1. Oh oops, I forgot suggestions for gratitude if you still need some! πŸ™‚
      – from the picture, it looks like you have lots of pretty colorful things. πŸ™‚
      – you have a cat! πŸ™‚
      – you have a son! πŸ™‚
      – you have a doctor! πŸ™‚
      – it’s spring! (at least in the northern hemisphere) warm weather is coming! πŸ™‚
      Hang in there! ❀


    2. I’m doing better. I was diagnosed with gastroparesis, which is a paralyzed stomach. I’m going to have to figure out how to manage it , but at least it’s an answer! Thank you for the thoughts.

      Liked by 1 person

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