After a rough bout of 24/7 sick doggie care, I was exhausted. I was pretty overwhelmed, exhausted, and managing a lot more than just the dog. When I was crying really hard to someone who suggests I “use my coping skills”, which I had done yoga that morning, had worked on an art project, drank a veggie smoothie, was going to food prep to stay on a food plan that literally allows me to keep moving, I was at my wits end. Please, hand me more coping skills as I’m about tapped out of ideas.
People will fast from eating certain foods to detox their bodies, so I went on a “people fast”. I communicate with one person regularly with several acquaintances that I just kind of set aside. As I did my people fast, I did begin to detox mentally and the phone rang—a lot, from people from afar where word had gotten out I was fine, but I had just been thrown slightly too much. People actually called and didn’t message to ask how I was as they wanted to know. They wanted to listen. They wanted to know how I keep going every when things are rough.
I know that being disabled and chronically ill makes life a little complex to understand. I know I thought that people who used wheelchairs couldn’t walk at all until it became me. I learned a term called “ambulatory wheelchair users” that means people who are disabled do a hybrid of walking and using their wheelchair. I use my forearm crutches and my wheelchair. I decided to take an online ballet barre class as ballet was once a huge part of my life. I’ve been bored with exercise while knowing I have to do it.
In fasting from people, a woman I had taken yoga from a few times reached out to spend time last night. I find her highly fascinating due to her very scientific day job, yet her very unique and powerful way of teaching yoga that never seem to mesh. We sat by the river well into the night. A couple people were walking by that she knew. She introduced me as “this is my friend Lizzie. She’s a miracle”. I was really honored and what a conversation we had! So many things I think about that she thinks about, especially where the collision of science meets the mysteries of the brain and how that creates a concept of spirituality was refreshing. The meaning of being highly sensitive and how it’s a gift.
When I parked, she yelled, “Lizzie over here”. She had been talking to a couple random guys for about 10 minutes before I got there. When I came up on my forearm crutches, the one guy said, “Lizzie, marry me”. It wasn’t creepy. He wasn’t on something, he was just being silly. My friend remarked that she didn’t get a marriage proposal. So as we sat by the river having great conversation and getting to meet some of her interesting random friends, the guy was riding his bike on the path by the river and said a couple times, “Lizzie, marry me”, so my friend and I laughed and remarked at how he remembered my name and perhaps it was some interesting foretelling. *Not accepting random marriage proposals as a disclaimer, but it was fun to laugh, have a new person reach out to me and be genuinely interested in what’s going on in my body with my health and interested in my opinion of why it happened initially.
As I could explain it to her, it made more sense to me that I have a strange reality, but to some, it’s not strange, it’s a miracle.
I embrace my bulky and athletic body I’ve hated my entire life with a spirit of gratitude as if I wasn’t naturally strong with a deep fighting spirit, I wouldn’t have had the muscle memory to “battement” with my non ballerina body today.