This. So much this. An excerpt from Victor Frankl’s “Mans search for meaning”. I often tell people what thrust me into emotional healing was a ton of physical suffering. Frankl also mentions in his book that finding meaning in suffering is the highest achievement in finding meaning. He wrote that in a survey of who people admired most done in the 1980s, it wasn’t academics, financially successful people, great artists or even writers, the people they admired most were ones who suffered great adversity and held their head high. He writes in depth that American society thinks the only way to be is happy. Sadness isn’t pathological. I’ve been saying it for years. Guess Frankl beat me to it by many years. Read some books. You might find some meaning.
The night before last was bad. My neck is an arthritic, herniated, rare type of migraine causing disaster. It’s called occipital neuralgia.
I take pictures of everything in my world. By 4 am, the pain in my neck was so awful, I was just waiting for the ice to work. I couldn’t meditate or breathe through this pain, so I sobbed at how unfair it is. I won’t take an opiate at 4 am as I need to be clear and alert during the day. I rarely take them at night even.
The ice set in. It calmed the inflammation. I took a prescription dose of ibuprofen and got myself to “therapy” by sunrise as “ding ding, Lizzie you need to have an emergency therapy session with Mother Nature”.
This is my therapist: large, granite monoliths. This therapist is rock solid, literally 😂. Leaning into the power of this particular therapist reminds me I’m strong. I’m reminded I can do it. I’m held up even when I should be falling over. It gives me a break from my pain even though doing this causes me more physical pain after, but I sometimes decide the cost is worth it. Emotional freedom is ok with me. Chronic pain is chronic. It’s not going anywhere and as overwhelming as that feels, I can choose to be liberated into health in my mind. I’ll move while and when I can.
And today I played trying to figure out my backpacking equipment and scouring the internet on how to make it happen with a very bad back without causing further injury. My added bonus is I learned my $8 backpacking stove boils water in 3 minutes. An anomaly for cheap!